I Am Uncle Jesse

Here is a picture

2011-02-28T10:03:00.001-08:00

of a snake eating a capybara that I drew. Lest you think I'm some sicko, I'll point out that I did it for a friend--it's an illustration from the book The Little Prince.

I went to Starbucks the other day. . .

2010-11-03T14:03:00.001-07:00

. . .to see if they had caffeinated soda. They didn't. Eff Starbucks.

Mark Gormley, Bard of Legend

2010-04-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

My introduction of Mark Gormley is long overdue. Indeed, I have known about the Rock Master for quite some time. I only hope is that he would extend mercy to me for my delay.

According to the omniscience of Wikipedia:

Mark Gormley is a singer-songwriter from Pensacola, Florida who achieved internet fame for his music videos on YouTube. He mostly performs acoustic rock consisting of acoustic guitar and vocals. His influences include Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Rush, Jimi Hendrix, James Taylor and Boston.

What they don't tell you is that when the man sings, he employs a legion of Rock Angels who all fall swoon to the bidding of his mighty power-stance.

The following is actual candid footage from moments after his birth:

It is apparent that we are dealing with some sort of beast-man who appears to have been blessed by the wolfpeople early on. Moreover, his transcendence from the mortal realm would explain our souls' answer to the hearing of Gormley's ancestral reverb.

We owe the future of music to our Pensacolan hero.

Though further ado is requisite and demanded by decree of Gormley, I will introduce him without it:

Please feel free to comment and express your own newfound love/fear for Mark Gormley.

Wallpapers

2010-03-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Okay,

I've got some 'splainin' to do. I realize that it's been a few days* since my last blog post and there are some of you (mom) that have checked every day since then. All I can say in my defense is that I have had a lot of time to think of funny posts.

-I don't remember most them.

Things will be more awesome from here on out as I have gotten better at the internet. SO BRACE THYSELF FOR EPIC, WOLFBROTHER.

I am obsessed with wallpapers (the computer kind). Ever since I acquired this newfangled computational device so long ago, I've switched my background image to something new and whimsical about every other week. Most people like a portrait of their family or rolling hills or something. I favor cataclysms of cumulus and the scourging storm. I like night-fallen cityscapes with blurred taillight, where the camera lenses catch whispers of condensation.

Some stuff I find and modify. Others are already perfect.
I wish I could find and show you every one I've ever used but alas, they get deleted.

*Note - days according to heaven's time.

These are peeks into my soul (of my computer).

By the way, crazy N. Korea just sank a S. Korean ship. Crazy.

My Celeb Look-A-Likes

2009-11-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

Hahahaha I don't even know who Katherine Heigle is.

This Could Be Fun

2009-10-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

Joe Smith and His Golden Bible

2009-10-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoon was the first time that I had ever attended in person a General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Among the many things I wish to say about the experience, I will mention two.

The first is that I was genuinely perturbed by the protesters on the street corner right outside the conference center. I normally fair well against maliciousness, but an inner-alarm rang during this encounter. One of the men was screaming hellfire and damnation upon the Mormons. When I say screaming, I mean the spit frothing from the mouth like Wulfgar the Barbarian. I felt an eerie energy, a literal force of destruction coming from the man. It resonated with an experience I had four years ago while I was in the secluded mountain town of Itatiaia, Rio de Janeiro.

In contrast to the sunny, colorful, eroding metro-paradise where the 2016 Olympics will be held, the town of Itatiaia lay on the foggy fringe of the Brazilian state. You could call it rural; cattle grazed in cold-crisp fields and certain streets were obscured by mountain pines. My missionary companion and I had previously visited a woman on a street that matched a gloomier description. On a particularly rainy day, we came back to visit her again as she had mentioned that she wouldn't mind it. From the front yard fence, we clapped our hands to get the residents' attention. We were eventually greeted by the woman's husband, a man in a wheelchair who had no legs.

In imperfect Portuguese, I asked about the Book of Mormon that we left for his wife to read, wondering if she had been touched by its message or if perhaps they wished to hear more. The man's face trembled and he began speaking in English, a language which at the time I seldom heard. Screaming, he told me to leave and never return. He knew every cuss word and used them with proficiency. His visage can only be described as diabolic. I felt that creepy feeling that could not settle with me.

Years later, I got the same distinct sensation outside Temple Square from a berserk protester.

The second thing I want to say is that I was lucky enough to be an eye witness to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's testimony of the Book of Mormon, the cornerstone to the LDS faith. I am not ignorant to what other religions say about the origins of the Book of Mormon. I know full well that even within the church, there are those who waver with the notion the Joseph successfully translated ancient records with God-condoned accuracy. It frustrates me that opponents of the book use logic to try and prove it wrong while through logic itself, we may unequivocally prove that it is exactly what it purports to be.

I want to relate much of his talk to you where Elder Holland uses logic to prove the critical wrong.

"May I refer to a modern last day's testimony. When Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum started for Carthage to face what they knew would be an imminent martyrdom, Hyrum read these words of comfort to the heart of his brother.

"Thou hast been faithful, wherefore, thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place with which I have prepared in the mansions of my father. And now I Moroni bid farewell, until we shall meet before the judgment seat of Christ."
-A few short verses from the 12th chapter of Ether in the Book of Mormon.
...
Later, when actually incarcerated in the jail, Joseph the Prophet turned to the guards who held him captive and bore a powerful testimony of the divine authenticity of the Book of Mormon. Shortly thereafter, pistol and ball would take the lives of these two testators.

As one of a thousand elements of my own testimony of the divinity of the Book of Mormon, I submit this as yet one more evidence of its truthfulness. In this their greatest and last hour of need, I ask you: Would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book? And by implication, on a church, on a ministry they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?

Never mind that their wives are about to be widows and their children fatherless. Never mind that their little band of followers will yet be houseless, homeless, and friendless, and that their children will leave footprints of blood across frozen rivers and an untamed prairie floor. Never mind that legions will die, and other legions live, declaring in the four corners of this earth that they know the Book of Mormon and the church that espouses it to be true. Disregard all of that, and tell me whether in this hour of death, these two men would enter the presence of their eternal judge quoting from and finding solace in a book, which if not the very word of God, would brand them as impostors and charlatans until the end of time.

They would not do that. They were willing to die rather than deny the divine origin and eternal truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. For one hundred and seventy-nine years this book has been examined and attacked, denied and deconstructed, targeted and torn apart, like perhaps no other book in modern religious history--perhaps like no other book in any religious history--and still it stands. Failed theories about its origins have been born, parroted, and died. From Ethan Smith to Solomon Spalding, to deranged paranoid, to cunning genius. None of these frankly pathetic answers for this book has ever withstood examination, because their is no other answer than the one Joseph gave as its young, unlearned translator.

In this I stand with my own great grandfather who said, simply enough, "No wicked man could write such a book as this, and no good man would write it, unless it were true and he were commanded of God to do so."

I testify that one cannot come to full faith in this latter-day work, and thereby find the fullest measure of peace and comfort in these, our times, until he or she embraces the divinity of the Book of Mormon and the Lord Jesus Christ of whom it testifies. If anyone is foolish enough or misled enough to reject 531 pages of a heretofore unknown text teeming with literary and semitic complexity, without honestly attempting to account for the origin of those pages somehow, especially without accounting for their powerful witness of Jesus Christ and the profound spiritual impact that witness has had on what is now tens of millions of readers, if that's the case, then such persons, elect or otherwise, have been deceived. And if they leave this church, they must do so by crawling over or under or around the Book of Mormon to make their exit. In that sense, the book is what Christ himself was said to be: a stone of stumbling and rock of offense--a barrier in the path of one who wishes not to believe in this work.
...
I ask that my testimony of the Book of Mormon and all that it implies, given today under my oath and my office, be recorded by men on earth and angels in heaven. I hope I have a few years left in my last days, but whether I do or do not, I want it absolutely clear, when I stand before the judgment bar of God that I declared to the world in the most straightforward language I could summon, that the Book of Mormon is true, that it came forth the way Joseph said it came forth, and was given to bring happiness and hope to the faithful in the travail of the last days.
...
Remember this declaration by Jesus himself: "Whoso treasureth up my word shall not be deceived and in the last days, neither your heart nor your faith will fail you." Of this I earnestly testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

The Code of the Wolf T

2009-09-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

When one wears this shirt, something magical happens. They are consumed by utter confidence. They are in control of destinies. Before I had this shirt, I was your normal average guy, some might even say less than average, like a Z-score of -1.06. Now I pull more chicks than Wilt Chamberlain. When people see you in this shirt they know your SERIOUS. They don't mess around.

'Twas a midnight when I first donned this bad boy. I was actually laying in a half daze in the open desert; the ceiling of stars sent me spinning until I was lost in cosmos, this also metaphorically serving as my spiral into the ethereal fetters of ineptness.

From behind a cactus grove a wolf suddenly approached me. I was about to give in to defeat to my carnivorous adversary when I suddenly noticed something in his mouth. He laid the majestic shirt before me. He bowed as I put it on. . .

I now know the Code of the Wolf, which I will now share with you. These are words of pride which you must now live by. Courage, my wolf-brothers and wolf-sisters. There is an affirmation for all of us. We all are confronted with fear. Don't dare let fear take you, for that is unbecoming of a wolf-child. These are the words you embrace when you wear the Wolf T.

FIGHT FOR SOMETHING

OR LIVE FOR NOTHING

SHE WANTS A MAN

YOU BE THAT MAN

BEAR YOUR SCARS ON YOUR CHEST

NEVER ON YOUR BACK

YOU ARE A SYNONYM FOR AWESOME

GO AND PROVE IT

INACTION IS SLAVERY

FREEDOM IS A CHOICE

BEING #1

IS HOW YOU WARM UP

AFTER THE FINISH

KEEP GOING

IF YOU NEVER GIVE UP

YOU NEVER LOSE

DOCTOR CALLED IT CANCER

YOU CALLED IT A CHALLENGE

USE LARGE FONT

BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOLF-BROTHER

IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS

YOU HEAR IT

YOU ARE AN ARMY OF ONE

DECLARE WAR

TODAY'S HOROSCOPE:

AWESOME

PAIN IS GOOD

SHARE IT WITH YOUR ENEMIES

FISTS

NEVER RUN OUT OF AMMO

THE BEST WAY OUT

IS THROUGH

NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP

NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN

BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW

AND THEN CHEW IT

The code of the Wolf T.

As you have your own experiences with the Wolf T after having worn one, please feel free to comment about it so all of your Wolf-brothers and Wolf-sisters can benefit from Awesome.

Bon Voyáge, Mr. Swayze

2009-09-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

Beloved bouncer, dirty-dancer, communist resister, and romantic phantasm. We will miss you always, but will forever remember you by your awesomeness in movies. That part on Ghost really freaked me out as a kid where the black demons come up and take that guy to hell.

In homage to your greatness, I'm going to assemble what I think are the best youtube clips of your best movies. Some of them might make us laugh. Some of them might make us cry. All of them will bring a glow to the soul.

Patrick Swayze, the actor who danced his way into viewers’ hearts with “Dirty Dancing” died Monday after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was--
--hey let go of my mic!!!!!

. . . ?

Get To Know Your Cougars!

2009-09-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

The BYU Cougars, the 22-point underdogs. They proved to you and I that we shouldn't have such low expectations. I know one team (CAN YOU SAY "OKLAHOMA"?) that will be licking their wound for the rest of the season, and another team (COUGARS!!!) that will enjoy national spotlight and BCS bowl speculation. Some called it "shocking". Cheers could be heard throughout Provo like a third-world country during the World Cup. The team's 14-13 win over Oklahoma on Saturday at Cowboys Stadium is news to all those who expected them to lay low after last year's late season slow-down.

This is my homage to those individuals who deserve recognition. A Cougar is something more than just a member of a football team. Yes, this word means A LOT more than just a BYU mascot. They are people who I feel should take on more spotlight than they already do. For them, I have much admiration. They are icons. They are Cougars.

Max Hall

"We pulled it off, man, so this is going to be one of the greatest wins in BYU history, and I feel very privileged to be a part of the team and part of it."

A 6'1", 201 pound Mesa, AZ native that proves time and time again that he is the backbone of Bronco's army. You know him as number 15. I know him as Captain "Golden Arm".

Here he is showing off his quarterbackingness in an interview.

Harvey Unga

"Freight Train of Destruction" as he is known by some cultures, Unga's name can be heard being chanted at Edward's Stadium. Some teams have been so startled at the ominous roar of his name that they have gone insane. Unfortunately for this running back (and for Cougars everywhere), he has a hamstring injury. Who knows how long it will be before this thunderous mass erupts again?

Susanna Hoffs

Let me just say that Susanna Hoffs is held in high Uncle Jesse esteem. She stole the heart of the world with hits like "Eternal Cougar", "Walk Like An Cougar", and "Cougar Monday". In the 80's, she was the brunette beauty better known as the singer for the all-female pop group The Bangles. Twenty-five years later, she's best known as the super Cougar.

At 49, I never thought a feline could stay in such pristine condition.

Hot dang. . .

Sharon Stone

Born: March 10, 1958. Number of Movies: +50. Cougar level: 10,000!

I often reflect on the words of Ashton Kutcher, "she is twice my age, but that just means that there is twice more to love". I am reminded how true that is with the charismatic Stone. I accidentally watched Catwoman one time and she was in it. Needless to say, never watch Catwoman.

Teri Hatcher

Though she is now known for her lead in the hit ABC show "Desperate Housecougars", Hatcher had already won my heart long before. She played the Kryptonian's love interest in the 90's fiasco, "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman". I was hooked from episode one. She made me want to grow up and become a Superman. I haven't let her down.

Paula Abdul

Yes, she's insane. Yes, she's probably on cocaine. Yes, she's a full-fledged Cougar.

My thoughts would often gravitate towards the notion that she be axed from Idol because of her bat-&*%# craziness. When that day finally came, I was not happy as had originally thought. No. Melancholically, I realized that American Idol was now cougarless.

Oh Paula, we're gonna miss you.

The American Healthcare Condition

2009-08-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

In case you know nothing about current events, President Obama and the Dems of Congress are moving to pass a reformed Health Care Plan bill. Essentially, you will see a lot more government involvement with health care. Now, I'm all for helping the needy, fixing America, and providing a public good, and I also condone government involvement in critical affairs. However, I think our Democrat allies may be losing a little of their subtlety--their agenda is starting to look more and more like the utter destruction of private insurance altogether. Now, I hate paying for things too, but there's a problem when the government pays for them instead of the working class. You diminish the little spark called "incentive".

This is where America's "horrible, broken, private insurance-based system" stands in comparison to the rest of the world.

1. Americans have better survival rates than Europeans for common cancers.

2. Americans have lower cancer mortality rates than Canadians.

3. Americans have better access to treatment for chronic diseases than patients in other developed countries.

4. Americans have better access to preventive cancer screening than Canadians.

5. Lower-income Americans are in better health than comparable Canadians.

6. Americans spend less time waiting for care than patients in Canada and the United Kingdom.

7. People in countries with more government control of health care are highly dissatisfied and believe reform is needed.

8. Americans are more satisfied with the care they receive than Canadians.

9. Americans have better access to important new technologies such as medical imaging than do patients in Canada or Britain.

10. Americans are responsible for the vast majority of all health care innovations.

(Read more here if you's a skeptic: http://www.hoover.org/publications/digest/49525427.html)

That top ten list is what you lose 20 years from now after Obama's Health Care Plan gets passed.

If you're just in love with the idea of economic reform, google "Kadykchan" and take a gander at what socialist living conditions are like.

This is a song a band made a while ago called "For Justin"

2009-06-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's been a year now
Since you were here now
And I've been tryin' to heal inside
Dedications have all been placed
And I see your resemblance in my face
And on our birthdays I'll set an extra wish for you

And I have learned so much since you've been gone
And I have done so little for so long
So now I'll settle up my grievances
And focus on the savory
And wave all these discrepancies away
And I'll beat around these misconceptions
Give out faith at my discretion
Live a life that you would think was sane

Easter Rules

2009-04-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

Dum Spiro, Spero

2009-03-18T22:16:00.001-07:00

I was wounded but not slain.
I will lay myself down and bleed awhile
and arise to fight again.

-Scottish Ballad

Stories Consisting of Just 6 Words

2009-03-03T10:49:00.000-08:00

Alright, I didn't come up with this idea--the Internet has a few sites already dedicated to this literary style where you write an entire story in just 6 words. Many times they've invited famous authors to participate in contests where they contribute their own sexaverbum novella. My goal today is to create my own. I furthermore challenge you all as readers to add your own as comments to this entry.

Norris vs. Vader: the ultimate fight

Stalked Facebook. I know your life.

Beef Jerky, Dr. Pepper, perfect breakfast.

Luigi got the tall, handsome genes.

Didn't like Speed Racer? No taste.

Global warming real! Summertime all year.

Mailman always brings Christmas present. Dad?

Running with ipod is like dancing.

BYU Professor, obligatory gospel pertinence lesson.

Girlfriend is identical triplet. Three chances.

Ninja baby kick? Laughed out loud.

Aliens invade Mexico, leave after diarrhea.

Break dancing monkey. Ultimate dream pet.

No commitment, let's just make out.

All Snuggie wardrobe. Start a trend

She dumped him. My secret wish

Ran with scissors. Won Ro-Sham-Bo marathon.

Michael Moore exclaims "I beat anorexia!"

Zooey Deschanel, Katy Perry. Double life?

Don't forget to come up with some of your own in the comment section!

Ode to the Guy With Really Bad Breath

2009-02-26T13:26:00.001-08:00

Dear Guy With Horrible Breath,

You sat next to me today in my poli sci class. As I sat watching the film starring Jeremy Irons, my personal area was suddenly filled with the most rancid, horrible stench that has crossed me in quite some time. This odor can only be described as a strong, death-laced permeation of discomfort. It most definitely came from your mouth.

To add to the already stanky breath cloud that was birthed by your mere respiration, you decided to worsen the situation by actually talking to me after class. Each word you spoke carried a gust of horror that punched my face like a weak midget. I understand that bad breath is a problem that can happen to anyone at any time. I realize that there are degrees it: morning breath, garlic breath, cheesy breath. I would classify your case as an extreme version of armpit breath.

Your extreme case of halitosis has made me paranoid that perhaps I might have had death-breath at one time. Your stinky breath stuck to my clothes and I could still smell it minutes later after I was already home.

If you have a disease that makes your mouth smell that way, that is fine. Blind people use white canes to let us know they're blind. Similarly, you should always chew gum.

Once again, it happens to the best of us. But seriously, wow.

Coolest Dog Ever

2009-02-17T22:17:00.001-08:00

There is no contesting this fact. Coolest dog ever. I want this dog.

Valentinitus

2009-02-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

I never really understood where Valentines Day came from so I thought I'd dedicate many hours to researching it. (Just kidding, excerpts copied/pasted from Wikipedia because I'M LAZY.)

Saint Valentine (in Latin, Valentinus) is the name of several martyred saints of ancient Rome. The name "Valentine", derived from valens (worthy), was popular in late antiquity. f the Saint Valentine whose feast is on February 14, nothing is known except his name and that he was buried at the Via Flaminia north of Rome on February 14. It is even uncertain whether the feast of that day celebrates only one saint or more saints of the same name. For this reason this liturgical commemoration was not kept in the Catholic calendar of saints for universal liturgical veneration as revised in 1969. But "Martyr Valentinus the Presbyter and those with him at Rome" remains in the list of saints proposed for veneration by all Catholics.

English eighteenth-century antiquarians Alban Butler and Francis Douce, noting the obscurity of Saint Valentine's identity, suggested that Valentine's Day was created as an attempt to supersede the pagan holiday of Lupercalia. This idea has lately been contested by Professor Jack Oruch of the University of Kansas. Many of the current legends that characterise Saint Valentine were invented in the fourteenth century in England, notably by Geoffrey Chaucer and his circle, when the feast day of February 14 first became associated with romantic love.

There you have it.

FANTASMIC!

2009-02-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

Seriously, this is my best blog entry ever.

There were some movies that seriously impacted my childhood. More than just pleasing strolls through a make-believe world, these were roller coaster rides through the ultimately awesome fantastical world of bliss-infused joy. Ironically enough, these were films that scared me, nay, scarred me with looming images dreary landscape, repugnant monsters, and foul villains. Just as the primitive barbarian worshipped the raging volcano, I revered the magnificence and freakiness of majestic cinema that were the trippy 80's fantasy movies from my childhood.

Perhaps you remember them. Take a walk with me through the gnarled forest of magical wonder to think back to the more innocent, awesome time.

The Dark Crystal

WHOA the dark crystal was awesome. Skeksis vs. the urSkeks. The evil vulture guys wanted the Gelfling dead, but noooooo he ended up killing that stupid laughing one. The dark crystal falls out of the Skeksis control and the world of Thra is a better place.

I wanted a Fizzgigg.

The movie impacted me because it had nice little forest guys as well as big scary guys; I spent equal amounts of time enjoying the happy forest and peeing my pants.

The Never Ending Story

Don't lie and say you didn't cry at 2:48 when his horse dies. You cried.

This video needs no introduction. It's okay to sing along with it (as I did several times). Rock giants, talking wolves, sneezing turtles, the movie's got everything. I STILL wish I was the boy from this movie. Topping it all is the fact that I had a white labrador when I first met the luck dragon Falcor. You bet I had my own Falcor rides.

I always thought it was a girl that sang the theme song. . .

It is a rare occurrence when a movie is absolutely flawless. Such is the Never Ending Story.

Return to Oz

I apologize for the following video. You'll understand now why I said that these movies scared me.

I guess this was supposed to be the sequel to the Judy Garland classic. **Note - a midget did not hang himself while making this movie.

Labyrinth

Further proof that Jim Henson was heavily involved with drugs, the mystical tale begins with a youthful Jennifer Connelly, which of whom one may say had already stolen my five year old heart. By uttering her wish for the goblins to come take her toddler brother away, she is sent spinning into David Bowie's skin-tight world of wonderment.

Anyone can see why I have such passion for this stuff. When you're a kid, this IS your world as you know it. This is your dream and hope and wish, that at some level this stuff can be true.

Did you peep the threads on Jareth, the Goblin King? Here he is again in case you missed it. . .

BOO-YA!

It has become apparent that I am obviously apathetic towards the reality that I should no longer enjoy these childish fantasy movies. For the record, Jareth is very non-effeminate character to emulate on Halloween.

Wait a minute. . . I'm noticing a trend here. . .

Oh no. . .

Crap. I definitely don't want to be mistaken for that second guy.

February Already, Crap

2009-01-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

When I take notes, I still accidently write '08 at the top while writing the date. I haven't wrapped my mind around it being 2009. Usually this sort of thing takes about six months for me to perfect. By Independence Day, I should have a better handle on the date.

My perception of long periods of time is horrible. Although I feel like every old person I've ever talked to when I say this, I nonetheless reaffirm that it seems like time accelerates as I get older. I expect this perception to break the sound barrier by the time I'm 50.

I remember thinking around this time last year, "Wow, what have I accomoplished this last year of life?" I remember often what other people have accomplished by my age:

My dad was married and had one kid.

Johannes Kepler defended the Copernican theory and described the structure of the solar system.

Entrepreneur Ted Turner took over his father's billboard advertising business. He later launched CNN.

John Couch Adams became the first person to predict the position of a planetary mass beyond Uranus. (Insert joke here snicker snicker).

Edgar Allen Poe won a $50 prize for the story "MS. Found in a Bottle."

Abner Doubleday devised the rules for baseball.

Rainey Fellows donated a kidney to her (now ex-) boyfriend. They aren't together now, but he's doing very well. They're still friends.

John Singleton directed his first film, "Boyz 'N the Hood." It's actually loosely based on my life.

T. S. Eliot wrote "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."

English poet Jane Taylor wrote "Twinkle, twinkle, little star." I guess she wrote the tune for the "A B C" song too, although detail is still unclear at this point.

Orson Welles produced and performed his "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast, terrifying millions of people. He also got his face on the cover of Time Magazine.

By 18, Billy the Kid was charged with twelve murders.

Charles Lindbergh learned to fly.

Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice, her second and most famous novel. I heard the PBS one is actually better than the movie.

Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard and cofounded Microsoft. He now eats diamonds instead of food.

U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps won 8 Olympic gold medals.

After giving birth at age 8, Nigerian girl Mum-zi became a grandmother at 17.

A 15-year-old boy in southern India performed a Caesarean section on film, in an attempt to get his name in the Guinness Book of World Records as the youngest surgeon. The surgery was successful, but his physician father may face criminal charges and have his license revoked.

(These were taken from http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/index.html)

And such are prime examples of what I could be doing to make my mark on the world. I better get going if I'm going to do anything cool in my life. . .

Will Smith in USA Today

2009-01-22T10:46:00.000-08:00

Some editors of the USA today asked Big Willy to give his thoughts about the significance of President Obama's inauguration. I loved what the man has to say because it gets across some of my feelings about socio-economic racism. Now I'm not callus enough to overlook the fact that racism is an issue that encompasses more than just "not liking" members of a race. It delves deeply into political and institutional circumstances. The Fresh Prince had this to spin:

For me, it was something that I've always believed. I've read the Declaration of Independence. I've read the Constitution. I have the preamble memorized. It's something I've always believed in, and when Barack Obama won, it validated a piece of me that I wasn't allowed to say out loud - that America is not a racist nation.

I love that all of our excuses have been removed. African-American excuses have been removed. There's no white man trying to keep you down, because if he were really trying to keep you down, he would have done everything he could to keep Obama down. Yes, there are racist people who live here, absolutely. But they're not the majority anymore.

I'm an African American, and I was able to climb to a certain point in Hollywood. On that journey, I realized people weren't trying to stop me. Most people were trying to help me. Before Obama won the presidency, it was like, I'm the exception. Tiger is the exception. Michael Jordan is the exception. Bill Cosby is the exception. But there's something about being the leader of the free world, with every other position on earth below that. You can't argue with that. If Barack Obama can win the presidency of the United States, you can absolutely be the manager at Saks.

Come on. It was such a fantastic experience for me to be able to say out loud that I love America and not be called an Uncle Tom. That I can stand out, and I can say out loud that I love this country and not get funny looks.

I don't think we are African Americans, Irish Americans or Japanese Americans anymore. I think Americans are a new race of people. We are Americans of African descent. We are Americans of Irish descent.

It's a whole new world.

-Will Smith

(The above excerpt is from their editorial page.)

Yes it is a whole new world. Nothing like West Philadelphia where he was born and raised. (Sorry, I loved that show. I don't mean to detract from the significance of what he's saying).

"It validated a piece of me that I wasn't allowed to say out loud - that America is not a racist nation."

I realize this is coming from Will Smith but it proves my point nonetheless. He says something that I was not allowed to say. No matter how racist you think America is, a black man is now president of America.

Memorable Nightmares

2009-01-17T17:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a nightmare so scary that it frightened you when you thought back to it in the middle of the day? I'm special in that I've had this experience several times. My goal now is to present several of the most disturbing, mortifying tales of dreamstuff ever conjured by my subconscious.

Nightmare No. 1, The Zombie Gym

So I'm randomly in a high school gym participating in a P.E. class which is weird because I haven't been to a high school in like 6 years. So there I was shooting my free throws when all of a sudden some sheriff guy burst in the doors, yelling that zombies have attacked the school. Right after he handed me some guns to use, undead legions began to bang on the glass windows of the gymnasium. I cocked my shotgun and probably said some heroic one-liner like I always do, like "Looks like you guys need some more lead in your diet!"
After a while of shooting off the incoming waves of zombie, the sheriff fell to the zombie army. It was then that I suddenly realized that I had been babysitting my nephews Kyle and Kimball (see their adorable blog here) and had forgotten all about them!
So frantically I searched for the little boogers only to find them crawling through the vents. They had resourcefully evaded the zombie attack. Lastly I remember the zombies banging on the walls around us for the next little while. Then I woke up.

Nightmare No. 2, Green Face Batman

I was probably 5 when I had this dream. In its entirety, all it consisted of was Batman in a dark alley. Every minute or so, he would turn to me like the dramatic chipmunk (youtube it), and instead of his normal Batman face, he had a freaky green monster face. This went on for about an hour. Finally, Grover from Sesame Street appeared in a window of one of the buildings. He let out a bone-chilling shriek and banged on the glass. Then I woke up and probably had peed the bed.

Nightmare No. 3, Valkerie of Jeffrey Dahmer
Before I had the dream sequence, I had fallen asleep to watching a documentary on Jeffrey Dahmer, convicted serial killer who did very very very very disturbing things. In the dream I was about 12 or so and I lived with my family on a big hill that had many houses built up the side. I would play with the neighborhood friends as per normal and did things any other kid would do. One day a strange boy came over to the house. My dad said, "This is your new friend Jeffrey Dahmer, I want you to be nice to him and play with him every day."
Somehow at that moment, I had portent to knowing all of the boys future sick crimes. I knew that he would end up killing us all. I knew what had to be done. . .
The rest of the dream consisted of me trying to figure out a way to kill Jeffrey Dahmer before he ended up killing me. Our playground conversations were stiff and bizarre because both of us knew of the other's mortal intent. We watched each other with careful eye, suspicious of one another's every move. Then I woke up.

I think the worst part of dreams is that you wake up from them. Fortunately, that's the best part of nightmares.

Oh, and I'm not making some weird reference to Dr. King's "I Had A Dream" speech.

I Have Nothing To Say Today

2009-01-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

Yep, nothing. Ms. Hepburn says hi.

Having Had a Great Knowledge of the Goodness

2008-12-15T23:27:00.000-08:00

Appropriate for Christmas, I want everyone to know that my whole heart is filled because of the Lord's goodness and mercy.

I want everyone to know that there is solidity in my soul that the Book of Mormon is another truthful witness to the divine character of Jesus Christ.
This is not a mere historical text. It is not overshadowed by its biblical predecessor. Rather, it is scripture, pure revelation, words from God.

To the critical, I add that it is not by logical inference that I know the book to be true. It is not by someone else's example that I feel I should follow it. There is no one I am trying to impress by saying it. With perfect clarity and soberness of mind, I submit the simple truth that I know that the Book of Mormon was provided by God as a necessary instrument to help men on earth. And how it helps!
I know that Jesus Christ lives. May you feel his influence in your lives especially this Christmas season.

Protest A Baby's Birth?

2008-12-06T09:06:00.001-08:00

I read in the news about how some atheists are getting mad about a nativity scene that's on display at some government building. I find it amusing that they are so adamantly opposed to it.
Since an atheist doesn't believe in God, they believe that Jesus would have been just an ordinary baby like the rest of us, right? So according to their own causal logic, they are protesting the manger scene of an ordinary baby's birth.

When was the last time a baby other than Jesus was protested? Has anyone ever gone to a neonatal ward and demanded that certain babies be removed from the premises? What's so bad about Jesus? I can think of worse people's birth's to protest.

Why not protest Hitler's birth? You could protest the Nazis by throwing darts at a poster of a face of a baby with a little square mustache. You could protest your mean boss's birth by picketing at the side of the road with a sign that says "Honk if you hate my boss as a baby!"

You wouldn't protest the birth of God unless you really didn't like him. I know atheists don't believe in God, yet they don't seem to like even the idea of him. How many "ideas" are we bombarded with every day that are in direct violation of the principles of Christianity?

And finally, I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them.

If the nativity offends you so much, just do what Christians do everyday when faced with ideals that are not in accordance with what they believe: ignore it.

The other ninety-nine percent of Earth (not counting Muslims) is just fine with Christmas decorations, and most others don't really mind if they contain the Son of God and some cows. Need you cause uproar over a plastic baby Jesus? Whatever your agenda is, just admit it for what truly is and don't play the "Separation of Church and State" card.

The separation of Church and State is not a Constitutional statute that was implemented in order to cast God into a distant corner, far away from any legislative process. It was not an amendment for Freedom from religion, rather, it was the security for a Freedom to be religious. The founding fathers had no underlying agenda to make sure words like "God", "sin", and "Bible" were never uttered at a courthouse or conference.

Which are you: A true patriot or just a hater?

Are you really some super-Patriot like that loves our freedoms or do you just not like religion? Whatever happened to the freedom to show a manger scene with some genuflect wise men and goats? That baby is just a normal baby to you after all, isn't it?

Freakin' knee injuries. I hope you have enjoyed your season long vacation, Brady, while the rest of your team has suffered.

Freakonomics

2008-12-04T15:53:00.001-08:00

I owe a lot to my Political Inquiry class wherein I've done grueling amounts of research and writing. I've often had to wake up at six or earlier (that's three hours before class) in order to finish some mentally taxing statistical regressions or quantitative analyses. Despite the books I've read that seem like their written in Korean, despite the long nights of speed typing, and despite the hours of labor executed in the hopes of getting at most a B on a paper, I loved this class.

There's a pretty cool book called Freakonomics that talks about the bizarre theoretical inferences made by a couple of economists. These findings are often random and seemingly unrelated, i.e. Roe vs. Wade lowered crime rates because future criminals were prenatally executed; rich people have elitist names which then become the most popular baby names among the middle class 10 years down the road. Well, in my research for this class, I've discovered a couple of "freaky economic" things that I thought we're pretty cool.

Nuclear and Solar Energy Are Awesome
Fossil fuel resources are unevenly distributed in the world such that the big poor countries get a smaller portion than they need. In order to prevent these countries from reverting to the Stone Age by 2100 due to insufficient energy and ever multiplying population, renewable energy sources like nuclear, solar, and wind energies will need to be substantially deployed.

Nuclear energy is currently running at 6% of its potential efficiency, meaning 94% of what's created could have been used had we known how to do it and wasn't. Allow me to ignore global warming and carbon footprints for a second and say that if we could make it work at even 30% of its efficiency, well that's 5 times the amount of nuclear energy that we enjoy now for the same price. Nuclear energy = cheap. As it becomes more efficient to use this stuff, someday I might be able to have a jet-pack, which would be awesome.

Governments Often Bail Out Firms With Which They Have Political Ties
Everyone now knows what a Bailout is right? Just so you know, a "Bailout" is a noun, and "to bail out" is a verb, meaning I could say "General Motors just got bailed out because their board members are homies with US senators." Now I'm not shouting that the government is evil, I'm just saying that whether they realize it or not, statistics show that governments give more Bailout money to firms with which they have a political connection.

The More the Government Spends On Education, the More People There Are Who Use the Internet
Just trust me on this one. The greater the percentage of government revenue that is allocated to education, the more users of the Internet there will be. I think it's because of the increased emphasis of technology in schools. In the industrialized world, the very nature of education encompasses the advancement of technology such that now as a person becomes educated, he cannot help but learn how to use the technology within which he is immersed. More money = more technology availability = more WoW players and mindless Internet videos.

Freakonomics: Not to be confused with freaky doll babies.

Joyous Gleeful Christmas Joy

2008-12-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

If my Christmas Cheer could be manifest by observable decorum, I would be the above house.

This year I'm so excited for Christmas, it makes me do a dance. It's like I'm 12 again and waiting to open my Nintendo 64. Appropriately, I've already sent off my letter to Santy Clause.

My Christmas List 2008
by Marcus

1. A light blue pair of shoes (missing that color). If I had sixty trillion dollars, I'd probably spend most of it on shoes.

2. A big nice expensive cowboy hat for when I feel like wearing one while I drive. Matter of fact, I need a gun rack too.

3. A year's supply of Macayo's hot sauce and diet Dr. Pepper.

4. Heroes not to suck.

5. I need something to go on my north wall. There's nothing there so it instills loneliness upon all those who gaze upon it.

6. A radar detector for the car.

7. New church socks.

8. A new phone. I don't "need" a new phone per say, but a new one would be awesome irregardlessly (sic).

9. Dance moves. I'm talking So You Think You Can Dance moves.

10. A segway.

11. The foot massage machine like the one old ladies use.

12. A surfboard. Mainly for decoration. Or maybe something that just looks like a surfboard.

13. Infinity Christmas lists. I know that it doesn't work for wishes, but this is unchartered territory mwa ha ha.

14. Tucano's Gift Certificates.

15. The Dark Knight on DVD. Best movie since Catwoman.

Well, I'm sick of writing this and I've obviously ran out of ideas. I guess I just expect Santy to get me something and I'll probably like it. I really don't care about Christmas presents all that much, as long as I just get something cool and all the right people are there to open it with me.

This sweater alone cost Wesley Crusher his career as a the Enterprise pilot.

Tag, I'm It.

2008-11-24T09:47:00.001-08:00

I've been tagged by Zack.

Rather than being an un-fun stick in the mud, I'll just go along with the game. Here they are:

Seven Random Facts

1. Websites I check everyday: Gmail, facebook, iamunclejesse.blogspot.com, Drudge Report, and Totallylookslike.com. The latter is so funny.

2. I've had many nicknames in my life all given from different people at different times. Some of them include:
Marky (all of my older siblings still call me that)
Mustang-street Markay (given from my older brother's friend when I was 5--my street's name was Mustang)
Bucky (no idea where that came from but older siblings sometimes use it)
Hickey Marcheeeng (that's how brazilians say "Ricky Martin", I got that on my mission a lot from some members)
Currently some people have started calling me "Kenya", and I have no idea why.

3. I've never been snowboarding or skiing, although I would like to go someday. I don't even own a scarf.

4. I'll put hot sauce on anything. Hot dogs, burgers, grilled-cheese sandwiches, it's amazing.

5. I made a book for Billy Joel. I constructed a book that he now has sitting in his house right now. I assembled it for one of his plays that my work did advertising for.
(**Note - that last sentence I used was grammatically incorrect. You must never end a sentence with a prepositional phrase.)

6. The first band I ever got really into was Splender, and now I realize they suck. Currently, I have a slight obsession with Muse, Weezer, Katy Perry (seriously), and the Vitamin String Quartet.

7. My heroes are Mitt Romney, Martin Luther King Jr., Adam Smith, Michael Scott, Helio da Rocha Camargo, Joseph Smith Jr., my brother John, my brother Matt, and my dad.

I now tag Jon, Brooke, Kaylie, Kendra, and Katie.

PSYCHE! Dr. Pepper RULES!

2008-11-22T20:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I've been anti-D.P. in the past, but they're giving away free soda. Apparently, they made a bet with the world that Guns n' Roses would never come out with a new album. Well I'll be a monkey's uncle--they came through!

Read all about it here.

All day tomorrow, you can supposedly print out vouchers for free 20 oz. sodas. I encourage all of you to print them out, and if you don't drink the drink, all the better. Give it to me.

Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

So, apparently I got "tagged". Coming up next, random facts about me. . .

Superfly: Part 1

2008-11-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

After seven months of procrastination, I'm finally done with a few songs and I am releasing them to you as the first part of my debut album. Enjoy these few songs. Click to download.

It took me all afternoon to do "Careful". I make sacrifices for my fans.

Careful

Kiss the Girl (Not Katy Perry, Disney)

Take On Me

Leaning Wastes (I actually wrote this one, but I the lyrics are pretty much nonsensical.)

Now you can rock out over Thanksgiving break!

**Note: I know my voice cracks a lot. Most of these I did in one take. I'll record more "professional" versions later.

Who Keeps Lighting California On Fire?

2008-11-17T09:14:00.001-08:00

Ever since I can remember, states have been catching on fire. As a lad, I would drive from Las Vegas into Utah and pass miles of scorched wilderness. I first would hear about California forest fires when the family would gather round the antique Zenith radio after Truman's weekly broadcast. In school, I would receive careful matriculation concerning the prevention of forest fires, and these teaching efforts often necessitated a jeans-wearing bear. One would hope that the kids and I got the message. One would hope that the kids and I wouldn't light the state on fire...

But seriously, California is apparently a very flammable place. This new fire, like the other ones, continues to incinerate homes and hopes, leaving nothing but damage costs that total high in the millions.

Investigators claim that it probably originated from a popular bonfire place where groups of high schoolers frequently congregated. According to sources:

Joe McCarthy,
Richard Nixon,
Studebaker,
television,
North Korea,
South Korea,
Marilyn Monroe
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

I'm pretty sure the fine for the arsonist is pretty huge. You can't afford to be that careless; the damage at this point is nigh unto irreversible. Yet imagine if you accidently kicked a flaming s'more and within days became the guy who burnt down the state. I mean, burning down the forest just seems like something that is easily done on accident.

This theory might be a little controversial, but I think there is one scenario where I see causing a forest fire to be justified. Imagine being lost in the Alaskan wilderness, or worse--lost on the island from the TV show Lost. After weeks of starvation and hypothermia, men have been driven to do crazier things. I'm only suggesting that you make a huge fire that would be impossible not to notice from a rescue plane. You'd probably go to jail for forever, but at least jail has warm meals and no polar bears.

Speaking of bears,
Wow I hate cartoon bears. Smokey, Yogi, and Papa Berenstain are all portrayed like unfunny Homer Simpsons. They go around with their doofy voices only eating food and screwing stuff up. I've inferred from his utter lack of variety or enthusiasm that Smokey is actually a robot that only has basic fire prevention coding. The Berenstain family is a bunch of whiney hillbillies. And I loathe Yogi . . . even as a kid I saw through his hat-and-tie facade for the annoying ursine kleptomaniac that he was.

The Carebears aren't much better. Although cumulus-front property would be a joy for any boy, the ability to project Lucky Charms shapes from your chest is little more than a party trick.

In the event that forest fires would cease to occur, at least Smokey has the experience necessary to get a job as a Calvin Klein model.

Harry Potter is to Reading as Barack Obama is to Politics

2008-11-06T11:45:00.000-08:00

It took me a freakin hour to make that.

I remember Harry Potter being praised as the book that got kids reading again. Apparently, video games and the internets had captured their attention, killing their desire to dive into the fantasmic world of storybooks. This would all change when said Harry Potter would become cooler than a penguin's popsicle. Akin to the pandemic of prose that was the Twilight phenomena, the world had turned itself upside down in fanaticism to the boy wizard.

Reading was the cool thing then.

The past year I've seen once civically apathetic people turn into Obama-baby-mommas. Folks from all walks of life banded together for the man who was the champion of political change. A true miracle occurred. People started caring about politics. Not only that, the Freshman senator became endorsed by all of the coolest famous people: Branjolina, Oprah, Katy Perry, Patrick Duffy, Kim Jong-il, Doogie Howser, and Whoopi. This hype culminated within the masses until they chose him to be their president.

Obama is the cool thing now.

Mathematically, I argue the following:
Harry Potter : Reading :: Barack Obama : Politics

People care about politics now because Barack is cool. Don't believe me? The mysterious "Obey Giant" gorilla marketing campaign adopted the 44th president's face as their new cool sticker thing. I remember cruising the streets of Vegas and seeing the Obey Giant poster plastered on streetlights, converter boxes, and park benches, and having no idea what it was. You know something's cool when you have no idea what it means.

As we muggles owe our magical lives to Harry, we likewise owe our newfound excitement for politics to our dawg, Obama.

Why Yes On 8

2008-11-04T17:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not a California resident so I won't vote on Proposition 8--legal overturning of the state's Supreme Court decision to allow same sex marriage. Could I cast my ballot, I would vote yes.

And I'm sick and tired of being called a bigot for it.

I am not politically incorrect. I am not intolerant. I am not an uneducated ignorant redneck racist homophobe bitterly clinging to my religion and guns.

I can be a progressivist that can hang with the cool kids that fight for political reform. I have some ideas of hope and change that would make Obama curl into a corner in epiphanic defeat.

And churches in California are vandalized. Homes with "Yes-On-8" banners on their garages are graffitied with words like "bigot" and "intolerant". I've watched internet videos of liberal rallies where passing supporters of the War in Iraq were physically attacked and verbally insulted.

In the name of "development" and "equality", liberals refer to conservatives as "*#@-holes", "inbreds," and "nazis" in most of the message boards that I read. Religious groups, especially Mormons, are spared no relief from this special treatment. In case you missed it, California is airing an ad depicting 2 mormon missionaries entering a same-sex couple's home where they steal their wedding rings, raid their house (including their underwear drawer), and ultimately rip up their marriage license.

Liberals and other supporters of "No-On-Prop-8", you do not understand Yes' position. There is no agenda to ruin your lives or happiness. While I cannot speak on behalf of all "Yes" voters, I can tell you why I would vote yes with two major reasons. And I will do so in a 100% non-religious argumentative stance.

1. Marriage is the unit in which a biological family is legally sustained.
2. Same-sex marriage does not aggrandize societal progression.

Marriage Is the Unit In Which A Biological Family Is Legally Sustained
Back when Druids would conduct moonlight marriage ceremonies at Stonehenge, the primitive bride and groom that stood before the Celtic Ankh probably understood some of the significance of the promise that they were entering. While life and its actuality have never been entirely comprehended, even primitive cultures could revere the power of human life creation and what kind of responsibility it entailed. However it was happening and wherever this creative power came from, the union between man and woman led to propagation of the species. Helpless infants that were brought into being were protected and nurtured by this union. Society soon learned to trust it. By investing and empowering it, society learned that they increased not only their chances of survival, but their opportunity for progression.
In the year 2008, promoting traditional marriage still means that you are promoting biology. Tax incentives and benefits for traditional couples can be viewed in a crude manner as a way to ensure that people still get married and have kids that grow up safe from starvation and wild wolves.

Same-Sex Marriage Does Not Aggrandize Societal Progression
In the way explained above, marriage is an institution that is beneficial to propagating and progressing society. Therefore, it is counter-intuitive for the government to promote something that, if practiced by all the population, would ensure its destruction in one generation.
Say what you want, but same-sex union is inherently counter-intuitive to a society that tries to progress because those would-be parents stifle their contribution of genes, talents, and resources to the next generation.

Preamble to the Constitution
"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union . . . secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity. . ."

I think it's socially inefficient to vote No on Proposition 8. You think it's progressive. You think you're making change (my isn't that a popular word these days?).

Brad Pitt, probably a more fitting choice for Obama's VP, donated $100,000 to fight against the "bigots" and he said this:

"Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8."

Okay Brad,
1. Discrimination has no place in America. What is the scope of "discrimination" that you are referring to? News flash dude--there are some other forms of "discrimination" that you have to deal with too. In the U.S., you cannot vote if you are:
-A convicted felon
-An illegal alien
-A U.S. resident, but not a citizen
-Mentally handicapped
-Deceased
You are trying to say that Yes on 8 is "discrimination". You are absolutely right in the context that man+man or woman+woman does not equal man+woman in the propagation of societal well being. While man and woman will always be equal, the combinations of such are not so, and in discerning this, you are being as American as Apple Pie. Discrimination is bad when it is not founded on the basis of equality. But like in voting requirements, it exists in America and will always exist in some form.

2. My vote will be for equality. An individual gay person has 100% of the same civil rights as a straight person. What you and other No Voters want is to redefine marriage, not to add a level of equality. You are not as an oppressed nation, nor are you an aggrieved race. You are not asking for more individual freedoms. You are asking to redefine marriage so that it encompasses your alternative lifestyle. You are asking to change an existing civil institution, not to be treated better. Please see how this is different from the African-American civil rights movement or women's suffrage. Your voice matters as does your happiness in this country. We acknowledge that you are worth as much as anyone else. The institution itself is what is being evaluated, not you as an individual. Marriage is what is being protected, not a man and his relationship with a woman.

3. Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it. Well then you better be anti-abortion, buddy.

Dear People who vote no on Proposition 8,
I do not hate you. I do not wish to act like a bigot towards you. I merely vote yes to preserve the moral ethic that I believe is integral to the institution called marriage. To me, there is nothing more honorable than a family, nor is there anything as beneficial. I believe that the government betters society when it protects the institution of marriage to be conducive to the overall aggrandizement of the nation.

Their Response

2008-10-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

Those jerks. I'm mad at them.

This is their letter back to me:

October 24, 2008
Dear Mr. Nelson:

Thank you for contacting us about Dr Pepper Diet . Your comments and inquiries are appreciated because they provide valuable feedback about our brands.

While we certainly appreciate your interest in our brand, it would be unfortunately impossible for us to send out any poster due to we don't have any available at this moment. We do apologize for any inconvenience.

Our Company has been making great brands that make a splash for more than 100 years. We are proud of our family of products and are committed to providing a wide range of choices for all individuals.

Thank you for taking the time to contact us. We hope that you will continue to purchase and enjoy our products.

Sincerely,

Consumer Relations

Now I'm no English Professor, but I'm pretty sure you can't say "due to we don't have any". I highly doubt that my letter got past a high school receptionist answering customer questions between facebook sessions.

It was just a poster. No duh you don't "have any available at this moment". I came up with the kooky idea for you to go out of your way to see just how dedicated a big corporation like you can be. Apparently making a fan's dream come true isn't part of the mission objective. Apparently Dr. Pepper doesn't believe in granting happiness. Apparently Dr. Pepper sucks pretty bad.

It's okay though. There're other companies who I'm sure will take up this once in a lifetime business opportunity.

My Letter To Dr. Pepper

2008-10-23T16:08:00.001-07:00

I decided to conduct an experiment with the Dr. Pepper company. I sent them a letter today to see if they would send me a poster of their logo. Included are the reasons for why I would want such a poster. I hope to get some sort of response back from them to which then I will also post for your benefit.

Here is the letter:

Dear Dr. Pepper,

I have a special request from your wonderful firm that has provided me with joy for so many years. Like the enthused actors of your TV commercials, I am blissfully energized as soon as I intake some of the delicious product that you manufacture. I am a loyal customer. I am a devoted customer. My children and their children will drink your soft drink.

As mentioned, I have a unique favor to ask your firm. If appropriate, I can meet in person to negotiate the following transaction:

I would like you to send me a poster of your Dr. Pepper logo. Standard poster sizes are typically 24"x 20" measurements.

There are a number of reasons why such a generous gift to me would actually be in your best interest.

First off, upon hanging your beautiful red design on my wall, it would reinforce my brand loyalty to you, every day.

Second, I have well earned such compensation as I have repeatedly contributed to your Net Income. I favor your twelve pack unit, which to my understanding, is actually a larger generation of revenue for you. The cans cost more for the consumer than do the 2-liter units. I know about this secret "price-saving" technique that most consumers employ. I personally don't care about the price difference--I always buy the cans (better taste).

Thirdly, I already am a walking advertisement for you. I sometimes go everywhere with a can of Diet Dr. Pepper in my hand (I'm trying to cut back on some chub). People see me, and people know me. I'm kind of what you would call an "innovator".

If I had a poster of your logo on my wall, not only would I gain happiness, but every time a someone would come in my room they would be reminded of how much your company rules.

I have seen people wearing your logo as a t-shirt and I thought it interesting. But what I'm looking for is a full sized poster.

I know you will come through. You always have for me.

Sincerely,
Marcus Nelson

As mentioned, I'll let you know what they say.

So You Think You Can Debate?

2008-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

Here is last night's debate incase you missed it, which you probably did because they stepped this one up 2 tha streetz.

Halloween Approaches

2008-10-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

Halloween is pretty much the third best holiday. This is my homage to it:

Yearbook Yourself!

2008-10-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

These are my actual class photos starting in the early 70's and going up until the late 80's. My, how I've grown!

Twilight... Seriously?

2008-10-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

Alright, I give up- I don't get it.

It is impossible for a female not to like the book. It is encoded into a woman's DNA that she must read and love Twilight. I first started noticing this phenomena a couple of summers ago. Every time I would be around a girl (and believe me, there were an abundance of occasions) she would be reading some black book with an apple on it or something. I even remember one time when one of these girls dropped the book in the pool, destroying it. Although I laughed, I still was oblivious to what this book was, let alone inclined to care to ask.

Finally, one day I heard some chicks talking about vampires. I thought, "No way..." and I froze in utter disbelief.

There was no way girls were talking about vampires. It just doesn't happen. Vampires are pretty much the nerdiest thing to talk about on your thursday afternoon. Yet here they were.

It just so happened that I was quite the vampire "expert". Between the cartoons, comic books, and video games of my youth, I pretty much knew everything about this particular type of undead specimen, particularly how many hit points they had. With a contented smirk, I soon joined the conversation and didn't even miss a beat. I was like the new kid in the neighborhood who could just jump in on anyone's jumprope rhyme. I was gonna hook up with these chicks for sure.

But then they blindsided me with the even more startling revelation that they were talking about the book Twilight. Every woman around me had turned into a nerd under my nose.

So let me get this straight. Let's talk some statistics here.
Approximate number of women in the world: 3,500,000,000
Number of women who read Twilight: 3,500,000,000
Average cost of movie ticket: $9.00
Likelihood that women who read Twilight will see the movie: 100%

What we're dealing with here is the potential to get the United States out of debt AND bailout any company we ever wanted. With the right people behind it, we're talking Dark Knight style box office revenues.

Well, I hate to be that kid at the end of The Emperor's New Clothes...

Here is the link to the newest trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1GbukZnl1Y

It looks like they made it in a weekend. Sersiously? Honestly? They had a worse budget than the Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites movies. How stupid can you be? They had "Titanic II" in their hands, but let it crumble into dust.

And who's this guy?

I hope they have very little of this guy and his dumb golden locks.

I Can Be Your Hero Baby

2008-09-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

Season 3 of Heroes is in. Although I was disappointed, I was not as disappointed as I was in Season 2. If you would like me to refresh your memory, or if you've never seen the show, Season 2 contained the following plot elements:

-Sylar, one of the only good reasons to watch the show, looses his powers and becomes isolated in Central America. Rather than just skipping him and his normality, we are occasionally treated with Sylar updates, which mainly consist of him doing normal everyday things and him being mad that he lost his powers.

-Hiro Nakamura, who is not as funny as you think, goes back in time to ancient Japan on a quest for honor that no one really cares about, nor does this quest have anything to do with the other characters (until the end of the season). His nemesis, a British samurai who is also the world's greatest swordsman, suddenly discovers he's immortal thanks to Hiro's interference. Well, thousands of years later, he's back to screw everything up. Only in the last 2 episodes do we even realize that any of this had any significance; Hiro knows Adam, his nemesis, and that's really all we need to know. Adam is a one dimensional character that is about as menacing as Hayden Panittiere's pomeranian.

-There's this super hot chick named Maya, I think, and all you really need to know about her is that she cries black blood and is super hot.

Well that sums up Season 2. There were some characters that died, but they brought them all back in Season 3, so it's really like nothing happened!

I do declare!

I apologize for saying "ho". I couldn't resist.

Apparently in the Heroes world, only the hottest of chicks can have super powers. In fact, this correlation between hotness and super powers can be further proven by what happened in this first episode of Season 3 (and thus it is not restricted to only women). Mohinder, a character who did not previously have any powers, acquires some. He subsequently becomes hotter-- removing his shirt, greasing up his hair, and doing lots of sit-ups. Shortly after injecting himself with the power-granting serum, he hooks up with said hot chick, Maya. The theory is proven.

I now know what Enrique was talking about. Girls want a guy that can pick them far above their head whilst shooting fireballs. Seriously, all the girls that watched Heroes with us last night would not shut up about Peter Patrelli.

Oh yeah, Peter Patrelli.

Congratulations, Heroes Producers, Peter pretty much can do anything, now that he is able to put people inside of other people's bodies. I'm sorry to nitpick, but that's just stupid. Not only is it kind of unconventional and corny like Superman's amnesia kiss, it doesn't make any sense physiologically. It is not a transference of consciousness (past Peter's empty body would still be there on the ground.) No, this is a legitimate "putting-another-person-into-a-different-body" power. Seriously, no other being in the universe would stand a chance against him because he could just put them into the body of a kitten and then blow it away with one of a myriad of lethal powers.

Alright, sorry for being a nerd.

On less of a dorky note, Josh Groban was pretty sweet at the Emmy's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7xD59eAnUc

(copy and paste)

What Economic Crisis? THERE'S A UFO!!!

2008-08-15T11:55:00.001-07:00

Wow I hate UFOs. I know no one cares about them anymore, kind of like AIDS or the food pyramid, but I seriously get sick of them. That NASA guy recently came forward with his "startling" news that we are not alone. A part of me believes that he expected everyone to stop what they were doing and listen to his spooky revelation, like when Unsolved Mysteries first premiered. Well, much to his disappointment, no one cared. People are too worried about gas prices.

Aliens and UFOs are stupid because they bring nothing to the table. Let's imagine that every UFO incident really did happen. Think about what marvelous potential the heavens and our little green friends would hold. The world, however, would be the exact same place regardless of their existence because they have done nothing to better us or to impede us. They have not helped the economy, preserved endangered animals, or solved world hunger. They have not stopped war, answered our questions of the soul, or brought back our loved ones.

So let's say that they really do exist. Their existence is pointless. Congratulations aliens, you suck.

If there really truly was such things as aliens visiting us so much from other planets, then it would be flippin' public knowledge. Don't be dense enough to think that the government could cover up every incident ever about every encounter. If aliens were living among us, then they would still live among us and somewhere along the lines, the pieces would fall together and it would become as much of public knowledge as Britney and K-Fed's break-up.

If aliens are among us, then some day the aliens will go public and everyone's going to be pissed that they can't solve all their problems. Could they cure cancer, they would have done so already. Too bad E.T. spent all his money researching an invisibility machine and not an economic management machine, otherwise we could have had use for him.

Aliens being real would be like Spider-man being real. There is really nothing Spider-man could do to make the world better, besides beating up a handful of thieves. Likewise, we could probably go for a few fun rides in the alien's flying saucer or get to see some wacky space pets, but then we go home and still have to go through the process of getting a divorce or filing for bankruptcy.

You're lame, aliens. And even if you exist, go away- we have no use for you.

I Liked Posh Spice Before You Did

2008-08-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

I'm mad at David Beckham. I'm mad at consumer America. I'm mad at you.

Let me tell you about when I was like 12. My older sister had just brought home a mix tape that contained fuzzy cd rips of the Spice Girls new album. We bumped it. The music was catchy, but not necessarily my cup of tea. The song "Wannabe" was nevertheless memorable and I soon learned that each of the five singers had nifty nicknames all ending in Spice, ergo the Spice Girls. Upon the release of the music video, we got to see these poppy princesses.

Baby was cute. Ginger was smokin'. Sporty was spunky. Scary was scary. And Posh was...

I think I heard an angelic chorus that day.

This was long before her stupid reality show. This was long before she got "Beckhamed". This was long before you celebritized her.

I liked her first. Everyone else was like "Ginger Spice is so hot, and Baby is so cute."
And I came forward and said, "No, you all are idiots. Posh is so much the hottest, by far. The others fail to hold a candle to her."
Some agreed. Most ignored. But that was okay. I had her all to myself...

Now she's ruined, as if all the kids ran their hands through the cookie jar before I could partake. "Victoria and David are SO hot right now OMG!!1"
I guess I partly blame the UK for ruining her during her American hiatus. I guess she got real big there, married a football star, and then all of a sudden, she was crammed down our throats.

I just want this to go on the record.

Nineties Music

2008-08-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

If you say that no good music has been produced in the last twenty years and that all new music is garbage, chances are you're so old that your back goes out more than you do. I just put together some sweet 90's music mixes that would make anyone a believer in the genius of the 90's dogma, a believer in things like flannel jackets and saying "psyche!" after telling a lie. Yes, the 90's were an awesome time, a time full of beepers, O.J. Simpson trials, cloned sheep, a time where people worried and cared about AIDS. To commemorate the awesomeness, I've gone through and compiled the hits that were both most popular and defining for each year (*94-98), instead of being boring and just making one CD,

*Note - Music between 90-93 was not that good. Seriously, there were like 7 great songs from the whole 4 years, and they're probably all from Michael Jackson. Trust me, I looked into it.

1994
My Name Is Jonas - Weezer
Longview - Green Day
Loser - Beck
Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
Vasoline - Stone Temple Pilots
Cut Your Hair - Pavement
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
She Don't Use Jelly - The Flaming Lips
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow
Come To My Window - Melissa Etheridge
Zombie - Cranberries
Whatta Man (ft. En Vogue) - Salt-N-Pepa
Gin And Juice - Snoop Dogg
Sabotage - Beastie Boys
Closer - Nine Inch Nails

This was a very rough year, still recovering from the aesthetic stupor that was 1990-1993. A few diamonds could be claimed from the rough, but for the most part everyone was kind of confused as to what to do now that Kurt Cobain was dead. The Flaming Lips and Crash Dummies songs are ridiculous; it was like most songs were a joke. Most songs suck and are stupid (I probably should have just let this year out too,) but stupidity aside, Green Day and Weezer came strong with a newer punk, and the Snoop D O double G hit a home run with letting all the homies know how to properly spend their Friday nights.

1995
Lump - The Presidents of the USA
December - Collective Soul
Jeremy - Pearl Jam
Better Man - Pearl Jam
Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morissette
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
Runaround - Blues Traveler
Boombastic - Shaggy
Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio
Scream - Michael Jackson
Fantasy - Mariah Carey
Waterfalls - TLC
I'll Be There For You - Rembrandts
Roll To Me - Del Amitri
As I Lay Me Down - Sophie Hawkins
Only Wanna Be With You - Hootie & The Blowfish
I Believe - Blessed Union of Souls

Meh, I'm still mad about 94 and how it kind of sucked... anyways, momentum picks up here with better songs. Angry Alanis has now debuted and will stay big for the remainder of the decade. A phenomena has begun - nerd jams become ever popular, the kind of poppy soft rock jams that 30 year old dental assistant moms listen too. Seriously, go to get your teeth cleaned and whenever the theme from Friends comes on, they'll do the dumb clapping part in perfect unison. Also, mumbled voice grunge gets injected into the popular mainstream, which is bad news for us because Creed tries to do it later.
1996
Follow You Down - Gin Blossoms
Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
Hook - Blues Traveler
Name - Goo Goo Dolls
The World I Know - Collective Soul
Where It's At - Beck
Pepper - Butthole Surfers
1979 - The Smashing Pumpkins
Bullet With Butterfly Wings - The Smashing Pumpkins
Just A Girl - No Doubt
If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow
Mother Mother - Tracy Bonham
Ironic - Alanis Morissette
I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis
Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
California Love (ft. Dr. Dre) - 2Pac
1-2-3-4 (Sumpin' New) - Coolio

This year, everybody stopped and looked back and said, "Holy crap, 95 was actually pretty good! Let's try and do that again!" So in 96 you get more of the same thing. The exception is No Doubt's surprise ska-rock. Don't try to lie and say you didn't have the "Tragic Kingdom" album (the one where she's holding oranges).

1997
Wannabe - Spice Girls
Everyday Is A Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
The Impression That I Get - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Mmm Bop - Hanson
Sunny Came Home - Shawn Colvin
You Were Meant For Me - Jewel
Lovefool - Cardigans
Building A Mystery - Sarah Mclachlan
Where Have All the Cowboys Gone - Paula Cole
Bittersweet Symphony - Verve
Barbie Girl - Aqua
Your Woman - White Town
Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
Song 2 - Blur
Walkin' On The Sun - Smash Mouth
Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
Criminal - Fiona Apple
All For You - Sister Hazel
Brimful Of Asha - Cornershop
If You Could Only See - Tonic
I Believe I Can Fly - R. Kelly
Fly Like An Eagle - Seal
Don't Let Go - En Vogue
Un-Break My Heart - Toni Braxton
No Diggity - Blackstreet ft. Dr. Dre
Mo Money Mo Problems - The Notorious B.I.G.

I am blown away by how much 1997 is sweet. (I had to make 2 CDs!) Out of the ballpark on this one. Seriously, burn yourselves a copy of these songs in this order. I purposely placed them in an order to blend smoothly, smoother than a bananaberry smoothie.

1998
One Week - Barenaked Ladies
Everybody (Backstreet's Back) - Backstreet Boys
Summer Girls - LFO
Gettin Jiggy Wit It - WIll Smith
Gone Till November - Wyclef Jean
I Don't Want To Wait - Paula Cole
This Kiss - Faith Hill
I'll Be - Edwin Mccain
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
Closing Time - Semisonic
Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground
Inside Out - Eve 6
My Hero - Foo FIghters
Good Riddance - Green Day
Praise You - Fatboy Slim
Ray of Light - Madonna

Appropriately topping off our list, 1998 contains some of the most epic songs to ever grace our ears. After listening to "I'll Be", "Iris", and "Good Riddance" back-to-back, you might as well just be deaf because no sound will ever be as great as the one you just experienced.

1999 - Sure, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Mambo No. 5" were fun, and upon close inspection, this year was better than 94, but it doesn't have the same charm. Perhaps it is because these songs have yet to crystallize into nostalgic gems, perhaps it is because Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys are still somewhat contemporary.

In conclusion, 90's rule, if you say otherwise, chances are that your so old, you need an archeologist to do your make-up.

The Tale of the Fat Guys with Round Glasses Who Make Movies

2008-08-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, Guillermo del Toro made a movie called Pan's Labyrinth. It was so cool and he received much critical acclaim including being invited to all the glorious events that stardom entailed. One night after a phat Hollywood red carpet party for the premier of the movie "Step Up 2 the Streets," del Toro noticed a shadowy figure in the corner that seemed to be watching him. A little nervous, he waved goodnight to all the paparazzi, then bolted after the fleeting stalker into an alleyway.
Once cornered, he asked, "Who are you?" The mysterious fellow stepped into the light, and to del Toro's surprise, it was another fat guy with round glasses.

"Why... you look just like me!" cried Guillermo.
"I've been expecting you," said the man. "My name is Peter Jackson, and I make sweet movies just like you."
Del Toro was befuddled. All his life he thought he was unique, and now he had to come to terms with this.
"Your messy hair, your beady eyes, your beard that's there just because you've been too lazy to shave, that same shirt you've been wearing for 5 weeks... it's like I'm looking into a mirror. Why are you following me?" inquired the Mexican film maker.
"Because you have been chosen to make the next Hobbit movie," responded Peter.
Del Toro nodded his head and knew that this was destiny.
"Why, Peter Jackson, can't you make it?"
"Because there is another..."

"You mean, the evil one?"
"Yes," replied Peter, while shaking his head in fear. "He will continue making liberal documentaries and hating George W. Bush. There is no stopping him."
"What does this have to do with the Hobbit?"
"Nothing. It's just that the world isn't big enough for three fat guys with little glasses who make movies. It gets too confusing for America. In the minds of the public, we three will eventually become the same person, and we must not allow this too happen."

The following year, Peter Jackson decided to do something about this great problem facing America, so he went through an extreme diet and exercise program that radically altered his appearance. The following is a current photo:

THE END?

My Posterity

2008-07-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

There was some website through yahoo where you can put up your picture and choose a celebrity and it will produce a photo of what your baby would look like.

So naturally, I chose to procreate with only the coolest celebs out there. I would hate to break the longstanding tradition of celeb couples flaunting their kids at every opportunity, so without further ado, I give you the kids.

Me + Angelina =
Marcgelina

Surprisingly, our oldest daughter didn't come out very attractive. Her big eyebrows are in bad need of plucking and she has that glazed-over, far off look. You can keep her, Brad.

Me + Scarlet =
Scarcus

A little gremliny, but I can't blame her mother for passing that on. Scarjo is genetically perfect. I'll keep the kid just so I can stay in the relationship.

Me + Miley Cyrus =
Hannah Montarcus

After this little one grows up and gets a show on the Disney channel, I'm gonna resurrect my country music career by awkwardly forcing my appearance on her show.

Me + Amy Winehouse =
Marcrack

This one didn't turn out so bad! I'm blown away. **Note - The ducky costume is actually a pile of cocaine.

Me + Tom Cruise =
Xenarcus

I don't think he resembles me, nevertheless, he is my only son.

Idle Words

2008-07-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned the Rev. Jackson before on my blog, but I have never expressed a direct opinion. I really don't want to get too slanderous so I'll just call it how I see it without calling any names.

The Reverend has been fighting to give blacks a sense of pride since he marched alongside Martin Luther King. He merits commending, and has been aptly rewarded for his conquests for equality. Since then, it seems, his mission has been to raise controversy at the slightest shadow of racism. You have to understand that to this guy, equality meant suing companies and threatening corporations. Justice was served by using big weapons against big enemies whenever something they did was deemed "racist". Akin to the Witch Trials of Salem, MA, this preacher brought many charges to the court, and his angry mob of followers granted him legitimacy to his authority. Not even the White Power Ranger was free from his pointed finger. This is all fine and dandy; the world must be defended from bigotry. But sometimes you have to wonder why the guy is still getting angry all the time.

The Reverend apparently now wants to castrate Senator Obama.

The Reverend, who calls Jews "Hymies" and is sick of hearing about the holocaust, he who had an extramarital affair resulting in a child and then paid the adulteress "hush money", he who has publicly threatened to kill any Jew that does him harm, is seemingly resilient. He's somehow managed to retain favor too much of the public. Mike Tyson has a similar track record, perhaps the public should raise him up as a leader, an arbiter to delegate blame and wield overwhelming influence. Lest you dismiss the Reverend as unimportant, you should realize that he is widely considered the most powerful black man alive. Obama in the Oval Office would change that, of course, but we would hardly be able to consider him a man after an asexualizing encounter with Jackson and his goons.

The Reverend insists that his support is "deep and unequivocal", which would make sense because Obama is, after all, black and everything. Jackson's remarks were in reference to Obama's speech to African American males where he told them to "grow up" and be more responsible fathers.

I would vote for Obama in a second if that were his entire platform. If he pressed that non-stop, not just to one race, but to all, that men need to stick around the homes, he would have my vote.

But Jackson and Co. seem to think that the people don't need to hear that, and they idly jest that they would sooner eunichize the Freshman Senator.

And no one sees anything wrong with that!?

Obama, the wishy-washy king of marshmallow puffs "of course accepts" Jackson's apology. Because of the media's zealous, unwavering devotion to Obama, the reporters will soon forget and forgive, it'll be back to the good ole' days and the Reverend will complacently let out a sigh.

I'm no conspiracy theorist, but the media and their anti-Bush/Iraq War pro-Obama agenda would make for a good conspiracy theory.

Sometimes the truth is fudged. Many believe Bush loves war and oil and loves rich white people so he kills Iraqis. Others believe Cheney would manipulate America into going to war so he could make some money. Perhaps there was some lying involved somewhere along the line.

One thing is for certain, I would be more upset at anybody who said they wanted to asexualize me.

For John

2008-06-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

He was one of my best friends. He loved even the stupid things I would do like play guitar and sing off key. He was one of those friends that loved you unconditionally no matter how cool you were at school or what others thought of you.

He was the most loyal people I ever knew. He loved being with the family.

We were gonna buy mountain bikes so we could ride around.

I thank my Heavenly Father for every day that He allowed me to have with him. I already miss him so much.

I will see you again, brother.

The Most Epic Songs Ever

2008-06-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

Epic Song?
Epic music does not mean good music. More often than not, the cheesiness involved makes it stand alone. Epicness concerns scope, loudness, and overall sense of impending urgency that the lyrics and melody invoke. Youtube URLs will be provided, but no direct links. I encourage you to copy/paste them into your browser to get the full effect of how these songs are epic. Seriously, you have to watch the videos.

The Final Countdown by Europe
For fans of the 80s or Arrested Development, this song needs no introduction. The opening lyrics do not begin until 1:28, which allows this epic synthesizer ballad to prove melodically that this is indeed, the final countdown. After the first chorus, there is no room left for doubt, and had your mind not just been blown, you would realize that you have not known awesomeness until the day you heard this song. I apologize for ruining your life, that nothing will be awesome to you any more as it will always fall deeply into the overmasking shadow of epicness that the Final Countdown has created.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZkllM8znx4

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
I think VH1 might have used this song in their "Awesomely 80s" countdown. Lucky for us, this song is also "Awesomely Epic". Bonnie Tyler, a raspy voiced 10-year-old boy, batters us with sixty-three stanzas of "Turn around, every now and then I..." until we beg to be shot in the face. Just like Ray Charles playing Stevie Wonder in a tennis match, we experience endless love until we have been audibly burnt out like little match sticks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55nTwg5NIPM

It's All Coming Back to Me by Meatloaf
First of all, one could not compile a list of epic songs without including Meatloaf. Meatloaf could be included on any list of epic things. You may remember this song in particular when it was first done by Celine Dion. This begs the question then why this particular 'loaf single was chosen. Well, it includes the guy/girl love ballad duet we're used to with Total Eclipse of the Heart (which made the list), and it includes tenor geezer vibrato that will have you in tears faster than you can say "geriatric". The song is a marching tune for overdramatic women everywhere bent on ugly breakups and glorious reunions. His voice, albeit aged, marks the tell-tale heart that Meatloaf blares on his sleeve.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_XT7zDuuZg

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
"When everything feels like the movies, ya you bleed just to know you're alive." On the last day of the world, I will listen to this song and watch as meteors hit all of the zombies and alien invaders. The lyrics of this song are irrelevant. It's the grandeurous six back to back choruses that let you know that the Dolls mean business.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3En9tWY_DY

Return As King on the 300 Soundtrack
As far as ancient Greek/Roman movies go, 300 had the most over the top music. This is the song that will play when Neo fights Darth Vader. If you've never heard it before, it's like Chuck Norris kicking a garbage truck into a volcano.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVVHTBAA-VU

Anthem of Our Dying Day by Story of the Year
For the record, I hate this song, but don't let that detract from its epicness. The song alone is not epic, just emo. But add its music video and you have one vast world of epic. At about 1:48, you will notice arbitrary guitar spins and overall craziness. Awesomely bad crows cover the video as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVFtRq81Ku8

Honorable mentions include REM's End of the World (As We Know It) but it was not serious enough, Where is My Mind? by the Pixies but it was too weird, and Kashmir by Led Zepplin but it was too good of a song to be included on this list which in fact mocks, in part, these song's attempts at being the best.

SUPERFLY OUT THIS MAY

2008-05-01T11:13:00.001-07:00

Expect my fully downloadable album out in a few weeks.

Previously on Lost..

2008-04-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPt61zoiZFc&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fec1Jjy3MM4&feature=user

These are sweet episodes of the newest installments of Lost, the best TV show since "Out of this World". Check them out, if you dare.

(Copy and paste the links because I forgot how to link stuff and I am too tired to figure it out again.)

Why Uncle Jesse?

2008-04-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

To answer your question, Uncle Jesse is a guy from Full House. The coolest guy from Full House. I plan the details of my life to be equally as cool as this iconic figure.

One of my dreams is to drive down the Golden Gate bridge just like him, then go on a picnic. But forget E.R. I've always hated that show. It's been on way too long.

Dream On

2008-04-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. boulevard is one of the most dangerous streets in Las Vegas. The crime rates surrounding this area seem to be at their peak. I think there was a Chris Rock joke that made light of this fact...

The civil rights leader was murdered on this day in 1968, supposedly by one James Earl Ray. The world is a better place for all of us because of Dr. King's efforts.

But I do like what the Reverend Jesse Jackson said in recent years. I admire the man's zeal for racial equality, argued from any angle:

"The fact is there were saboteurs to disrupt the march. [And] within our own organization, we found a very key person who was on the government payroll. So infiltration within, saboteurs from without and the press attacks. …I will never believe that James Earl Ray had the motive, the money and the mobility to have done it himself. Our government was very involved in setting the stage for and I think the escape route for James Earl Ray."

LOST 4x09 Screenshots!

2008-03-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

So these are some leaked screen caps of the next episode of Lost. These are highly classified so don't tell the government. But they are real, I assure you.

In unrelated news, my friends and I made an episode of Lost. It's awesome. To be posted soon...

Whoaty Get Yo' Gun

2008-03-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night where I managed to thwart would be robbers from the downstairs parking garage. We've been having a lot of cars getting broken into, and in my dream, I saved the day by catching the plunderer. It made me feel good. I woke up happy that I could be such a service to my neighbors.

I used a wrench to subdue the man, who attempted to assault a friend of mine with a knife. He had a gun, but opted to use his knife as the almost-murder weapon, probably because he wanted the higher concentration of sadistic satisfaction. The friend cringed and like poetry, I knocked the weapon away. Sweet.

Rappers traditionally have leaned left, but recent trends suggest that many of them are becoming Republicans. After all, Jay-Z can invest in shares of basketball teams and other rappers turned rich have newfound options for business investitures. It would make sense that after having so much mind on their money and money on their mind, paying taxes would seem like a wack idea.

And even 50 Cent has defended Bush in the past.

Best Stuff of All Time and Why (Part 1)

2008-03-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

You may think that you don't care about this post, but you're wrong because you do subconsciously. You'll get into it and be like, "Marcus is right, I concur!"

Horses
I never have owned a horse, but I've ridden a couple. They are the scariest things in the world up close. I think I've cultured a slight fear of them, actually, probably stemming from childhood encounters where someone would tell me that the beast is capable of bucking me to death. This does not create an aversion for me. Rather, it is like unto fire or grenades. I marvel at their glorious beauties and revere with an ominous caution their fatal capacities. Horses were, after all, like our oil of the past 6000 years of civilization. In fact, liberals might argue that ancient wars were fought with the secret motive to usurp horses from Arabs.

The wheat, bread, and grain food group
I submit that anything doctors recommend to be eaten 6-11 times a day must be awesome. I mean, I eat about 2-4 times a day, and maybe half the time does it contain this food group. All problems in society could very well stem from the fact that we don't eat as dietitians suggest.

Blue Crush, (2002), a John Stockwell film
IMDB summarizes the plot outline: "As a hardcore surfer girl prepares for a big competition, she finds herself falling for a football player." What it does not mention is that the next 2 hours of your life are gonna suck horribly. I remember being 17 and thinking, "seriously, I'd rather be playing leap-frog with unicorns." The movie was marketted to me, but I hated it. Then I realized why this movie could easily be nominated as the best of all time. I was the only 17 year old around me that seemed to notice just how seriously the movie sucked, but they had made millions of dollars off of it! Sucker after sucker droned in and paid money to watch 1.5 hours of surfing stock footage and then Michelle Rodriguez make a face like someone gave her candy that was secretly sour. Total Money Earned: $25 million. Total Money Spent: $7.00 ($2.00 alone for Ms. Rodriguez's sour warheads)

The "Poison" Slammer
Pogs, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogs), was a game where you antied your pieces in the middle and essentially gambled by smashing them with a heavier piece known as the "slammer." Any ones you managed to flip over, you could keep. There was, however, a win-all in pogs. It was the Poison Slammer. This slammer, according to legend, allowed you to merely recite an incantation and beat your opponent, effectively flipping over all your opponents pogs, as it were. While I doubt that this magic piece originated from the toymaker's drawing board, it somehow was prevailant in the playgrounds of the Las Vegas school system. To better understand the capacity of this device (and its absurdity), I draw a correlation. You would buy pogs with real money and then gamble them, which then constitutes real gambling. Using the Poison Slammer's little trick was like going to the poker table, reciting a little poem, and always winning. I am almost certain that Donald Trump was one of the earliest users of this fabled game piece.

Thank You India, Thank You Terror, Thank You Disillusionment

2008-03-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

Writing a blog is sort of like casting a message in a bottle into the sea. You never know who reads it, let alone if anyone does. I guess that would make college or my apartment kind of like the stranded island that I write from. Yeah, and as a matter of fact, a lot of weird things have been happening here in my apartment lately. Like, I was just walking around gathering coconuts the other day and all of a sudden I saw a polar bear and I had to run away from some black smoke. It was nuts. But Ben says I can never leave the island, so I guess I'm stuck here.

Read on even if you don't watch Lost.

My synopsis of LOST.
It might be the best show ever (second to only "Out of This World"), but truly, I would just be happy if they got off the island in peace. It would be worth it to me to have to stop watching it due to their safe homecoming. The show would have to stop, after all. It couldn't be called "FOUND". I dream of the days where Jack and Kate can happily co-exist (ya, forget Sawyer and stupid Juliet), and Claire can co-exist with me. I can't wait for her and Aaron to get back to Australia so we can finally date. And as a side note, I'm really glad when they kill extraneous characters. They clog up air-time with their Paulo/Nikkiesque nonsense and there are too many positive externalities that spawn upon such fatalities that minimizing their occurrence would be foolish. They should have an episode entitled "Characters Who Haven't Had Significant Plot Advancement for More than 2 Seasons All Get Killed By Michael." Oh and Michael, or "Angel of Death" as I refer to him, is awesome. I know you hate him because he killed Libby, but honestly, he killed Ana Lucia too. That's worth two Libbys. He gets to kill another castmember's girlfriend before you can hate him. In actuality, we owe Michael a great deal because of that deed. Maybe even our lives.

I could go on, but I choose not to.

Here is my formal apology to Muslims, and also the point of my post today.

Radical Islamist Jihad seeks to rally muslims to protest recent danish drawings. Somehow, leaders of these units like bin Laden include the U.S. in their accusations of who's to blame. I wonder why he'd ever do such a thing and be so angry at the West (see www.wars-in-iraq-and-the-west-helped-israeli-jews.com).
But anyways, if I drew an offensive cartoon, someone could blame one of my friends for being at fault? Why, cause he didn't pre-empt it? Because he didn't beat me up for doing it? Maybe we could suicide bomb the bus he's on for being so inconsiderate.

Okay, I know what you're going to say. So here are the formal apologies of the U.S. to all 1.5 billion Muslims to all the world. (I will act in behalf of the U.S. by the authority invested in me derived from my paying of taxes, which grant me partial ownership).

We are sorry that you were offended. Remember that the U.S. is a religiously neutral state, and sides with no one on who's right or wrong about religious issues. However, we offer our deepest condolences to anyone who has been offended or otherwise hurt because of the recent thoughtless acts of certain publications that have stepped over the line.

Although the U.S. may possess a history of varying degrees of discrimination, I assure you that measures are taken to not lump all Muslims into the same category as certain radical islamists. I will continue to do what I can to make sure that everyone understands this.

I reiterate, however, that the U.S. is not to blame for those drawings.

The loose ties that ally nations hardly bind so thoroughly. In the anarchic state of the world, the hearts and minds of nations are not shared. "The Crusaders," or the West, that bin Laden addresses in his recent broadcast are all implicated, thereby binding them as the same heart and mind . He says that measures are now going to be taken. Probably violent ones.

A cartoon has sent bin Laden over the edge.

I already know what you're going to say. "His people have been kicked around by the U.S. for 80 years and he's just venting off a little steam." How did I do?

I repeat. A cartoon has sent bin Laden over the edge. 80 years of humiliation and suffering, and a drawing comes along, a drawing so insufferable that it drives him to the point of a violent call to action?

What's my point?

Muslims, and the rest of the world, don't listen to this man. Discrimination, intolerance, and hate crimes suck. Offensive drawings get you down. The West has a lot of problems. The war on terror demands great sacrifice from us all. Innocent people have died. Sorry this has to happen.

But this man and his people represent .0000005% of the muslim world. No one should think like this. This kind of logic is poison to the furthering of the species. Don't give him an inch. He's already gotten enough attention, and attention is exactly what he seeks.

Memory 1

2008-03-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

I used to play baseball as a kid. One year when I was about ten or eleven, I played for the Indians and was a mean first baseman. My athletic prowess was legendary, and those were the days that seemed like endless spring. I guess I stopped playing because none of my friends really played anymore. Benny went on to play for the Dodgers, Yeah-yeah went on to military school and became a pioneer for bungee jumping, Ham became a wrestler known as the Great Hambino, and Squints married Wendy Peppercorn and had 9 kids. But I digress...

One of the kids on the team had a dad who was one of note. The whole family was very peculiar, but this guy was something else. He always wore the same exact outfit every time I saw him, no exaggeration. His hair was parted but he used no product. A moustache and big, black, old person sunglasses with side blinders masked the rest of his face. He always wore the same sleeveless shirt and same blue Adidas short-shorts. His arms and legs were very tanned from being so exposed to the elements. His voice was raspy and nasally, kind of like the Teeny Little Super Guy from Sesame Street (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teeny_Little_Super_Guy). The weirdest thing is that I saw that guy everywhere. At the store, jogging, at his son's baseball games, this guy was everywhere.

So I remember after it was time to get off the field one game so we could go up to bat, I ran up in a normal fashsion and threw my glove over the fence to a casual resting spot. Well, I sort of flung it over super fast, and it smacked that guy right in the crotch. He buckled and yelled, collapsing from my projectile. He immediately gave me a stern lecture, not even 2 seconds from when the glove left my hand. I can't remember his exact words, but I learned that day that he was a mean jerk. Every time I saw him after that, even like when I was 19, I knew he was a jerk. And he still was wearing the exact same thing last time I saw him. Yeah, this post didn't really have a point.

We Are Da Worrd...

2008-03-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

So the funniest thing to me is when people speak Engrish.

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=27816

***Album Update:
Ok so making your own album just for fun is pretty lame. I'm having doubts if I'm gonna finish it. You may be wondering, "is he serious? Does he really think he can carry a tune, even unto making an album? Does he think he's cool? Can he run 2 miles in less than 15 minutes?"
The answer to all of those questions is yes. And I pretty soon I'm gonna do 3 in under 25 minutes so in your faces, haters.

So at f.h.e., we did an activity where everyone (like 15 people) rapped and I recorded it onto my computer. It actually sounds pretty cool, hearing the meshing of everyone's tight flow. Next week, we're gonna make a music video for it and then show it at the ward talent show. Seriously, I'll show you when we're done. It's really really funny.

Thanks for Pranks

2008-02-22T12:04:00.001-08:00

Ever since I was a wee lad, I've loved mild-mannered pranks. Not like egging because I've been egged before and it ruins your next three hours. But harmless ones, I'm all for. Just yesterday I logged on to a computer in the library and someone had switched the traditional conservative BYU background to a close up of Chris Tucker's character from the movie "The Fifth Element." As soon as it popped up, I was staring into Ruby Rod's screaming face. It caught me so off guard that it made my day with a belly-full of silent laughter. Some delinquent premeditated a scheme to surprise some unsuspecting yokel with no sense of humor with a yelling black man's face. But what he really got was a toothy smile from a prank appreciator.

But as previously mentioned, I wouldn't want anyone to like shove a pie in my face in the name of pranking. I hate it when stuff gets on my face.

Hilarious Science Fair Experiments. Seriously, these kids are pretty funny at these conventions. Of course, I'm laughing both at them and with them. I'm sure we all remember our "magno-pick" or "volcano demonstration" days.

http://www.photobasement.com/41-hilarious-science-fair-experiments/

Ancient Shark Insanity. I would be petrified of swimming alone with a normal shark, let alone this time-warped monstrosity. Disclaimer: I am a nerd and love deep sea creatures.

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=27630

Albumus Almostus Terminus

2008-01-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

Hello kiddies, I'm not really a musician, but I aspire to release an entire album soon. And it's real songs that I've recorded. I already posted Don't Wait previously, and once I remember how, I'll post about 14 more songs on there. It's so dang fun to do.

Here is a preview of all the tracks:

Don't Wait
Africa
Toxic
I'll Walk with You
Best Deceptions
Apologize
Fast Project
Kiss The Girl
Fool Killer
Stolen
Kiss From A Rose
Bend and Not Break
Funky Love Rhyme
Out of My League
Leaning Well

That's the full discography. I think I'm gonna title it either Leonidas or Super Fly. You will be able to just download the songs here, or come to me later and I can just burn you a cd. And I am fully aware that all but three are covers, and three of them from Dashboard. Oh well.

Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot?

2008-01-01T10:56:00.001-08:00

Happy 2008!
To my few readers, I wish you a happy new year. In your efforts of rededication and resolution, may you return back to the gym, may you loose 10 pounds, or may you start eating healthier.
Why are all resolutions about diet and metabolism for some reason? I'm gonna go against the grain. My New Years resolution is to start a gang. That's right. Unconventional. And to add to its uniqueness, our gang will not bang nor sell guns, but we will embrace Escalades and 80's headbands. They'll be more like headbands from Flashdance rather than Rambo. Oh and our gang follows a strict code of chivalry and no violence. Our only way we get to rival gangs is by showering them with love.

Mitt Romney's Advocate

2007-12-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

This is what my brother has to say about enemies of Mitt Romney. I post it because I condone it.

"The swirl of publicity surrounding the recent Romney
speech generated some real gem quotes that give us a
window into what Good'Ol Christian America thinks of
Mormons. These are quotes from various Evangelicals on
Romney and Mormonism. Note they do not come from some
vicious anti-mormon blog, but instead articles the New
York Times:

IGNORANT IDIOT: “I guess I feel like this country and
this world needs a president who would be able to pray
to the God of the Bible and he would be able to hear
his prayers.” She wondered, Would Mr. Romney’s prayers
“even get through”?

ME: Nope, God only listens to Christians. Check that,
God only listens to people who you define as
Christians. The rest are outta luck. Jews, Muslims,
Biddhists, Catholics; their prayers, however
sincerere, just don't quite "get through." But God
isn't a total jerk, prayers actually get closer to
actually reaching God the closer they are to your
definition of Christianity. The Catholic Priest's
prayer gets about three-quarters there, because at
least he believes in the trinity. The Jewish Rabbi?
About halfway through cause he's down with the Old
Testament like that. Osama Bin Laden's get about a
quarter way, cause he a least believes in stoning gays
to death. But Mitt Romney's and the rest of the
mormons' prayers? Pssh, fat chance, people who are
already damned to hell don't even get a dial tone.

IGNORANT IDIOT: “Mormons spend two years of their
lives as missionaries, preaching an anti-Christian
doctrine,” she said. “I don’t want someone out there,
if I can help it, who’s going to be acting on an
anti-Christian faith as the basis of their
decision-making.”

ME: Mwahahahaha! The white shirts and bike helments
may seem friendly enough. The copious pictures of
Jesus, voluminous materials on Repentance, Forgiveness
and the Atonement, and sincere testimonies of Christ's
Love are just an act before the real fun begins. Just
when you thought you were hearing a lesson about
Jesus, BAM the "anti-Christian" doctrine begins! The
pretty pictures of our Lord are secretly swapped with
images of Ronnie James Dio and Anton LeVay. Black
Sabbath gets cranked on level 11. The white dress
shirts are torn off revealing those spooky mormon
garments–jet black and embroidered with pentagrams,
upside down crosses, and those symbols from that Led
Zeppelin album. Before you know it you're strapped
naked on the black altar and Elder Christensen is
donning his Baphoment mask!!!

IGNORANT IDIOT: “His candidacy alone has been a long
infomercial for the Mormon cult,” said Bill Keller, an
evangelist in Florida who runs an Internet prayer
network. “As president he’s going to carry the
influence of that office, not just here but worldwide,
and there’s no denying it’s going to lead people to
check out that religion, which according to biblical
Christianity, will lead them ultimately to hell.”

ME: Well I don't know about these long informercials,
but you've all seen the short ones I'm sure. Little
children singing in primary. Family values in scary
world. Members helping the poor, the downtrodden and
homeless. These cultists actually have the audacity to
try and FOLLOW Jesus! We know we are already saved and
we don't have to do a damn thing top prove it other
than yell a lot in church, say we read the bible, and
of course-remind mormons they're going straight to
hell.

See what the Mormons don't realize is God is actually
Bizarro from the Superman comics:
He punishes those who try to live right and treat
others with love and kindness, and rewards those who
give him lip service in some Alabama bar/church.

He creates billions of humans, and damns 97% of them
to hell because they don't praise Jesus at the West
Aintree Baptist Church.

He gleefully burns all the little Mormon, Jewish,
Cahtolic Eastern Orthodox, Muslim, Buddhist, Shinto,
Confucian, Pagan, Wiccan, New Age, Atheist, Humanist,
Agnostic, Animistic, Hindu, Sikh, and Zoroastrian
children who die without finding Jesus in lakes of
fire.

He sends hurricanes and terrorist attacks to America
cause we tolerate gays.

And he loves it when redneck morons from the Bible
belt speak on his behalf, judge on his behalf, call
people cults on his behalf and condemn entire groups
of people to hell on his behalf.

================

This is why I guilty pleasure when these ignorant
hypocrites are routinely impaled by atheists like
Christopher Hitchens and Bill Maher.

They condemn everyone who doesnt agree with their
shabby version of Christianity to hell.

They make God out to be some schizophrenic bully who
damns good the good people to hell while saving
despicable evangelicals.

They rail on LDS doctrine because it differs from
creedal Christianity, (which comes 100% from 4th
Century Nicea) and far more closely resembles
primitive Christianity than does protestantism.

Worst of all, they bash 12 million people who are
merely trying to follow Christ, love their neighbors
and raise their families, saying they are an evil
cult.

It makes you wonder who is truly following Christ.

By their fruits ye shall know them..."

-Matt Nelson

Mateys and Magic Stars

2007-12-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

I was going down the aisles of the store the other day and noticed something about my preferred breakfast meal, Marshmallow Mateys. I especially enjoy them if I can eat all the mateys first so there's only mallow left floating in the milk at the end for a high concentration of sugar-blast.
So I noticed that they had gotten more expensive. I think they might actually be advertising now. That is such crap, and let me tell you why. Marshmallow Mateys have always served their costumers well with pristine brand equity that's synonymous with cheap gruel food that is like unto horse ration. Now they've "stepped it up a notch," I guess. Congratulations, makers of Mateys, you've sold out and are now in the leagues with Honda Cars and Apple Computers. So when you're at your next big cocaine party at Hugh Hefner's, don't bother texting me, I've found my new favorite cereal: Magic Stars.
Admittedly, Magic Stars are inferior in every way. The Stars seem to have less of a concentrate of sugar-mallow product, and their brown mundane oats are blander than manila envelopes. Mateys had it all... it's too bad they went the way of Will Smith.
And here are some mission pictures:

Turkeys Are No Match for Santas

2007-11-21T16:21:00.001-08:00

So I left for home to visit the fam about a couple days ago, missing Monday classes in order to achieve maximum lounging time. It seems that whenever I know a vacation is impending, I make sacrifices to begin it as soon as possible.
We're eating turkey tomorrow at my uncle and aunt's house. Then on Friday, turkage will commence yet again with the immediate family plus some nieces. Eating lots of food is always fun, but it's also a lot of fun when you have Santa and presents.
I included some pictures above of my family and nieces and nephews from last year at Christmas. That pic is of me when I was younger (Mitch Hedburg: "You idiot, every picture is of you when you were younger!"). I've gotten fatter since I think.
I just had an orange and I love how when you eat oranges your hands smell like oranges the rest of the day. It's like nature saying, "Thank you for eating a little piece of me, have your hands smell good." Not even washing with orange-scented dish soap can replace the effect.

Announcing My Candidacy

2007-11-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I'm going to run for president this year. It'll be hard considering who I'm up against, and I have no money, but I've jumped on the bandwagon and I seek your vote for the executive office. I will seek this great honor to lead this country because I don't think my Mitt's gonna make it and I don't see another president fit to do the job. Although I'm not sure how to be president, I say just as Frodo did in days of old, "I will go to Mordor, but I do not know the way."
I saw on the Coulbert Report that you need like $25,000 dollars just to get your name on the Republican ballot. In light of this, I am currently accepting any donations for my candidacy.
Oh and I think I look like Silar in that picture so ergo the picture of Silar.

More Halloween Photos

2007-11-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

These are some more photos. (Of just me because I don't have a camera. These are ones I nabbed off facebook that other people took.)

1st Day of November Never Was Any Fun

2007-11-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

There is nothing fun about November 1st. Preserving this nostalgic vein that I've previously probed, I go as far as to say that every Day-After-Halloween has been lame-o. Scary movies no longer strobe upon my television screen, the laughter of the children has been muffled by the sticky mastication of chocolate treats, and now ordinary tumble-weeds lazily graze the asphalt instead of rolling pumpkins. Sorry that got a little abstract.

A Song Sample

2007-10-31T14:31:00.000-07:00

This is a song that I covered. I made it on my mac. I have a bunch of other songs that I've done, so expect me to post all of them later as well. Click here to play Don't Wait.

Show Me the Meds!

2007-10-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

So today so far I've taken Diphenhydramine HCL, Cephalexin, and Ibuprofen USP (NSAID). I don't have impetaigo like other dirty kids, but the doc gave me some antibiotics for my infected face.

Gross, I know, but completely relevant for Halloween day.

Forty dollars worth of medication and ointment later, I'll be on the mend in no time.

Oh, Herro!

2007-10-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog entry ever! Seriously, I've never even thought about doing one until today. If I do n00b stuff, don't get mad, I'm sure I'll learn in time.

So I guess what I'll write about is my sweet Halloween costume. I basically bought some tattoo arm sleeves, but with the right clothes, I'm a pretty sweet punk rocker guy. And that's as specific as I get.

When really young, parents pretty much decide what you're gonna be until you start getting made fun of at school for being a flower or a crayon. Then you typically insurrect a little and decide of your own free will to be a dracula or a cheerleader. Once I reached that age where mom couldn't force me into the hand-me-down clown costume, I'd always be some dumb conglomeration of typical horror monsters as opposed the the typical, specified breed of kid's costume that was easily recognizable. Any given year, I'd be sporting some scaly gloves my brother wore the year before, a skull mask, and a karate sword slung on my shoulder. To me, I was the embodiment of fear, but to bewildered candy givers, I was an unidentifiable clutter that took several sentences to explain what exactly my costume was.
Currently, wearing a halloween costume is cool again for parties. But once again, it takes me several sentences to explain to each person what I am.